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so woooow, it's been what, almost a year since I've posted here. I'm sure you guys don't even remember me. I was that jrock-interested oshare kei/visual kei-inspired person, who adored cute stuff and wrote about light, happy things. while I wrote, I was severely depressed actually, and got hospitalized due to that. do you guys remember me?

anyway, I just wanted to update here. tell you guys how I am, and what I've been doing in the meantime I wasn't around here. also, the things I'm into now, and what kind of genres I like, both music-wise and fashion-wise.

the thing is... I don't know if you guys remember, but I never said what gender I was, because I was so afraid and felt horrible in my own body. but the thing is... I've come to terms with my gender. my identity. I am not female, despite what my body says.
I'm transsexual. always been identifying as male, ever since I was 11 or so. I'm 18 now. I've gone through long phases of dressing girly, and I've realized that no matter what's inside the mind, it does not always show up on what's on the outside. a BOY can still dress girly, and still be completely comfortable in his own gender. but though, I was surpressing myself back then. I still like girly things, like decoden and I still love fabulous dresses and cotton candy-pink. I don't feel like I'm not allowed to dress in pink, because life's too short to care about things like that. it's what's inside your mind that matters. and I am SURE; I am indeed a BOY, and nothing else. I came out as a transsexual boy in soon two months ago. my closest friends knew it before, though.
and NO; being transsexual is not a fad, not a fashion, nor a mental disease. but it makes you suffer great dysphoria for sure... it has done that to me for years now, and I'm still not okay with my gender. I just wish I was born the way I should have meant to be born.
but I'm working on masculizing my body, through exercising, swimming and training. I can't wait to end up with the body I've wanted for so many years.
I'm starting on Tribulus this year, a natural testosteron booster, and hope to get the best out of it. in the next few years, I should be able to start up on testosteron injections, and getting top surgery (<- cut off my breasts, to achieve a flat chest).
but enough about that.

so last time I wrote, my boyfriend had just broken up with me. in more than a week, it's a year ago. in the meantime, I've had 2 other lovers - one who was also transsexual, a female-to-male (like the one I wrote about when I last was here), and then, my current boyfriend, whom I've been with for soon a month. I love him, and I live with him already, since we started out as roommates. <3 he's adorable, and supports me in every possible way he can. so YES, I am in a gay relationship, hahahah!

I've gone through phases of self-harm, weed-addiction, bulimia/anorexia periods, and psychotic periods. and now, I'm totally done with it all, or so I hope.

I'm being br00tally honest in everything I wrote here, I'm just as open as a book, and I'm not even afraid. :]

music-wise, I'm not really listening to Japanese rock and pop anymore. it sneaks in, occasionally, and happens from time to time. I listen to electronic music, like DJ CRACKRAT, Crystal Castles, and emo/rock. I especially like Saosin. hahahah.

fashion-wise.. I ADOOOOORE bright and colorful fashion, like new-rave-ish things. and retro. and 80's-like things. just anything bright and neon. I still love japanese fashion, but I don't really dress in it anymore. currently, my hair is black with a blue tone to it. I wear nerdy wayfarers/retro glasses everyday, and I'm mostly seen in neon colors and button-up shirts.

I hope you all are doing okay, and I have certainly not forgotten anyone of you. I really hope you will comment if you remember me, just saying "EY! I REMEMBER YOU!", hahahaha. :'D <3
Current Music: dj crackrat - rats on crack attack
05 July 2010 @ 09:55 pm

my girlfriend broke up with me a week ago, so I've spent all the days after in the hands of my lovely friends. I'm still at ryupon 's place, but tomorrow I'm going home. Wednesday, I was together with my very good friend damagedkingdom , where she cheered me up in the best manner you could get; homemade bakery, cigarettes, care and plenty of alchohol. so well, we both got shitfaced as early as before dinner, and had to act sober all day. slept at her place and all. then, I went home, packed my things and went to my best friend's place, where I still am. <3 
we haven't exactly been productive, haha. 8D we've pretty much done nothing, besides drinking, plucking strawberries, taken photos, playes Sims 2 and been to the beach. I've had some pretty good days, actually. <3

my piercings are healing well! they still hurt, because I haven't exactly been good to them.. oh well. 

I've also started to be really confused about my sexuality. oh well,... again.
20 May 2010 @ 10:10 pm

thanks to everyone who said happy birthday to me here on LJ, it made me really glad. <3
days are silently passing by here, and I'm enjoying it. haven't really done anything besides sleeping, which has been a total pleasure. yesterday, I slept until 4 PM, haha. but today, I had to wake up earlier, since my girlfriend came over, and I wanted to tidy my room. but sleeping until late is very nice, I can tell you that. <3

I'm going to visit my good friend Laura tomorrow, together with my best friend. we're attending this kigurumi meet-up, yay. 8D I'm not gonna wear a kigurumi, though, since I'm grown tired of the one I have. and it feels like everyone in Denmark has it, including Stitch and Rilakkuma. instead, I'll be dressed up in lolita, whoo. <3 I'm looking forward to see all the others again, especially Laura, my best friend, and Karitas. it's going to be fun, I just know it. <3

so today, as I mentioned, my baby came over for a visit. we went to Frederiksbergs Have (this really nice park, just 5 minutes away from my residence) and looked at baby ducklings, haha. I've come to grown fond of birds because of her, though I'm still scared of the bigger ones, haha. XD fail me, lol. have you ever seen videos of snoring ducks? it's way too cute, haha~
then we ate dinner outside for the first time this year (!!!) together with some of the others who live here. it was so hot today, I loved it! <3

life is pleasant here. how about yours, how is it going?
Current Music: 12012 - CYCLONE.
18 May 2010 @ 01:54 am

(made by ryupon <3 it's so over the top, haha)
so today's my birthday! I've had a really wonderful day with wonderful presents, a wonderful family, wonderful friends, and a wonderful lover. <3
I've gotten a camera as a birthday gift! <3 my old one broke, sadly. so I've taken the advantage of my Angelic Pretty dress and my new camera, to try out with some photos. I'll post them below in a cut~ *A*)// anyway, so what have I been spending my birthday on?

my girlfriend came home to me at 5 PM, with the most amazing, romantic gift ever. in some eyes, it's stupid, but for me, it was really romantic... it was this brownie (we ate brownies on a date once), where she had painted on Moomin with icing!! it's amazing, I still can't get myself to eat it, it looks so cute. I'll post it in under the cut too.
we watched some south park episodes ("MY COUSIN AND I TOUCHED WIIIIIENERS!"), and just lay on my bed, kissing and being sappy together. I've needed that, I can feel it. <3 I'm so sorry for everyone who reads this blog, haha...
we ate pancakes with my family, which was really lovely, they got along so well, since my mom is pretty openminded and Hayden already knows my sister. after that, we went out, shared a cup of coffee at a nice little café. I've finally started to like coffee, I feel so grown-up, haha~

so now, I'm sitting here all sappy and happy, just glad about everything right now. it feels great. <3 I'm happy.

all kinds of pictures with my new cam. <3Collapse )

all kinds of pictures with my new cam. <3Collapse )

Current Music: rin oikawa - she said.
12 May 2010 @ 10:44 pm

I don't really feel like talking, so here's just the music meme I'm working on.

Day 01: Your favorite song
Day 02: A song that makes you happy
Day 03: A song that makes you sad

Day 04: A song that reminds you of someone
Day 05: A song that reminds you of somewhere
Day 06: A song that reminds you of a certain event
Day 07: A song that you can dance to
Day 08: A song that makes you fall asleep
Day 09: A song from your favorite band
Day 10: A song that no one would expect you to love
Day 11: A song that describes you
Day 12: A song from your favorite album
Day 13: A song that you listen to when you’re angry
Day 14: A song that you listen to when you’re happy
Day 15: A song that you listen to when you’re sad
Day 16: A song that you want to play at your wedding
Day 17: A song that you want to play at your funeral
Day 18: A song that makes you laugh
Day 19: Your favorite song at this time last year

it reminds me of Hans Knudsens Plads, a place nearby me where I once fainted. I listened to jelly fish on repeat when I passed out, while I lay in the ambulance and while I was at the hospital.
Current Music: silverchair - ana's song.
12 May 2010 @ 06:19 pm

I'm bored, so I'll just do a meme now. have I mentioned how much I love tenten?

I've done this meme before, but it's a loooong time ago, and I'm REALLY REALLY BORED.

all about me - memeCollapse )
I'll write again later tonight. <3
10 May 2010 @ 09:39 pm

I got my eyebrow piercing done today! (ignore that my eyebrow itself looks a little fucked.)

it didn't hurt at all, but I knew that from beforehand. when the needle had pierced my skin, I was all "is that it?", it didn't even hurt. the most gentle piercing I have ever had, I think. :D I'm happy with this one, I really like it, because it's not that "in your face"-ish. I got it done at gorlubb, with my good friend, Laura. <3

tomorrow, I'm meeting up with my lover, so I'm looking forward to that. I've bought her a gift, hårhår. 8D

I don't really have anything to say, so here's the meme once again;

music memeCollapse )
Current Music: kagerou - kusatta umi de oborekaketeiru boku wo sukuttekureta kimi

roses, om nom nom. I got them from my girlfriend, they smell nice.

I've gotten a new layout, new profile and new icon, please check it out!! <3

I've decided something. everyone has been telling me not to get my eyebrow pierced, so I didn't, because I often depend on others opinions. but I thought it over. I've been wanting this piercing for, what.. a year and a half, two years? it was one of the first piercings I wanted in the first place. I keep being told everytime I mention piercings, that I shouldn't do it, so I won't mess up my face. it's just that... some persons love tattoos and get sleeves. others prefer natural beauty. I like piercings.
so now, I've finally figured it out; if I want it so bad, how come I keep putting others wishes about how my face should look like, in the first place? it's my face.
so I'm getting pierced this week, in my eyebrow. I'm happy about it, actually I can't wait. <3 originally, aryupon and I has planned to go get me pierced on Saturday, but I don't know if I can't wait... XDD

yesterday, I met up with my haruka_kite and went to see Sam's band, Perfect Unseen, play at their second concert at a club called Rust. whoa, they were so good!! it's so weird that such scary sounds can come out of that tiny little man. XDD but they were great. their myspace is http://www.myspace.com/perfectunseen.
after the concert, we headed home and slept at my love's place. it was nice, waking up in a pair of arms again. <3

oh, and I broke my beloved glasses a while ago... and just a few days, I stepped on my wayfarers and they broke. :C so now, I have bought some new ones! <3 I'll probably post a pic of them soon, I love them more than my others already. XD

music memeCollapse )
Current Music: perfect unseen - buried.

met up with my love haruka_kite today and went to a café called The Livingroom, and afterwards, we headed for H&M, since my baby wanted a blazer. luckily we found one, and it was gorgeous. >:D I found some underwear and a really awesome oversize Mickey Mouse t-shirt. also bought The L Word season 5... God, jesus christ, holy shit, omg etc., I LOVE THAT SHOW. I honestly don't know what to do when I've seen it till the end, really. XD does anyone here also watch The L Word? if so, what's your favorite character? 8D or pairing?

oh, and in other news... I had to take out my butterfly dermals/piercing, because my body chose to reject them. :C sad face is sad. they were my favorite piercings.. so now, I have two really red dots on the base of my neck. after I've been on vacation (I'll write about that after this topic. :D), I'm gonna get them pierced once again, since I really, really miss them. XD they were my babies. RIP butterfly. <3

oh yeah, and I'm going to Kreta on May 30th. :D I'm so happy, I'm looking sooooo much forward to it. then I can get all tanned and at delicious food. Cx I look so much forward to it.

- I'm listening to God-des & She's song, "Lick It", hahahahaha. :D anyway, I'll do the music meme now. <3

oh, and happy birthday to damagedkingdom .<3
music memeCollapse )
have a nice evening. <3
Current Music: God-des & she - lick it.
03 May 2010 @ 01:26 pm

I was inspired by all the pretty taiwanese/korean tomboys today.

anyway, I'm back, FOR REAL THIS TIME!! I have gotten my own computer, moved out from home, have gotten better and everything is good! so now, I'll be online probably all the time, and I will be able to comment and reply here, both on dA and LJ. XD thank you all for giving me time.

my new room is really nice. it's pretty small, but I dig it. and it has it own balchony. I'll take some pictures to show how my room is like, when it's not as messy as it is now. XD (actually, it isn't that bad... I'm just lazy.)
the others who live here seem really cool, though I haven't talked that much with them yet, since I'm always really shy in the beginning. but eventually, I think it will get better. C: or I hope so..

I've bought a MacBook, it's my new baby. I'm absolutely in love with it, it was so much worth the money. Cx

annnnd, since I have time to do this meme now, I will do it;

music memeCollapse )
Current Music: muse - undisclosed desires.